Tag Archives: life

A Fluttering Life

The phone buzzes,

A crying voice makes my heart heavy,

Memories flash before my eyes,

Times I saw you smile,

Times I saw you cry,

Someone who always fought for me,

Unbend, unyielding,

Yet somehow today you gave up,

Was it a mask I saw everyday? 

Hiding the war underneath,

Did my voice die away in the battle cry? 

If I screamed louder, 

Would things have been different?

The despair and guilt eat me away,

Like a vulture gnawing my heart,

The storm brews around me,

Rain and thunder inside me,

Your voice brings me back,

Finally gone crazy, I think,

But I see a white figure,

Beautiful, elegant and ephemeral,

It is you, from the heavens above,

Your kiss, a breath of life,

I feel my tensions fade away,

“You are free now from your burden”

I hear as I wake up with eyes wide open,

Now with a fire in my soul,

I walk to face the new day.

Hikari

A sky lighted by thousand lights,

Stuck in my mind and heart,

I flew to towards it with my wings,

As I raced towards it, rain started,

Each drop bringing back memories,

Cruel and unrelenting,

Now in an ocean of these memories, I sink,

My eyes swell, Is it the memories or the water?

Light disappears until only a ray remains,

I remember your face as sadness washes over it,

I remember a promise I made,

I will always smile so that you never cry,

All my bonds light a fire inside my fluttering heart,

It glows and dispels the darkness,

With hope in my arms, I break through the surface,

I race towards the lights,

So that I can write a beautiful ending to this story of mine

A Green Story

I remember everything about my childhood, when I was just a sapling. “What a beautiful child she is” everyone said around me. My mother so big and beautiful, full of life and compassion. I wanted to be like her. I would do anything to please her. Everyone around me was kind too. They helped me grow up. Giving me their life force in some way. It was a happy childhood. But nothing lasts forever. Soon there was talk about a plague in the area. Many had fallen victim to it. Slowly dying and withering away. Soon some started drying. I distinctly remember, the strings around their body. As if slowly, it is suffocating it and killing them. My mother caught it. I was young but I knew I had limited time with her. It would be soon that even I would have ropes around me and killing me. Many of my friends were victims too. They died faster compared to the elders. Some of the lucky were safe but safe is only relative. They had to witness their mothers die. I wished to get the disease so that I could be with my mother. But my mother would never have allowed it if it was within her power. She told me “I will protect you with my life”. I think she really did. No matter how bad the disease was, she kept smiling and always helped me. She survived the longest during the plague. It was as if she was holding on to life with sheer will power and love. In the little time I had with her, she taught me everything she could. About life, other creatures, compassion and love. On her last day, the skies darkened and with her last breath, the rain fell. The sky cried with me. But soon it stopped and the sun was shining. I still feel that her soul was so pure, the Gods rejoiced for she returned to her rightful place among them.

Soon the places were filled by others. Every summer, we would give shade and food to the animals. Soon rain would fall, giving us the much needed water. Our arms would be moist and cool. Soon my arms would change colour and become bare and soon covered back in summer with different colours along with green. The circle would begin again,Circle of Life, as my elders told me. They taught me so many things after my mom passed away. How sometimes I will be hurt by others for their own purposes. They told me that my job was to give as we are creations of God and represent him. So just like him, we are supposed to help everyone in anyway we can. This whole world is his creation and everyone is helping everyone out in their own way. Sometimes word would spread that my relatives have burnt down due the orange flower caused by lightning. It was sad but everyone around me believed that they had been chosen to return back to the sea of souls. They would sing that night in their honour and praying for their safe passage.

Darker days were up ahead. Suddenly news started coming in that a nearby patch was completely cleared by some creatures. They had cut down my friends and had taken the place they occupied as their home. From their very corpses they built their homes. They would create the orange flower by burning their corpses. With years their area increased and my relatives, friends, elders, everyone I knew disappeared. Chopped down by those creatures. Some were still around but they would be secluded away in small portions. I was slowly surrounded with stones. My legs were restricted to a small portion. I would still help them. Give them shelter, shade and food whenever they desired. I would reach out to those small holes in the stones and give them fresh water and shade. I would see other relatives in the holes with cages around them. I would talk to them occasionally and give them water or shade. But soon my arms were cut off and I couldn’t give them anything. In the following years, I saw some of them in different clothes with things in their hand. They started tieing ropes around my body and prayed to me. I wondered what it was. They cut off my arms, restricted me in this small place and still pray to me for my blessings for their well being. Is this what even God faces? I was taught to be giving and that’s what i would do, pray for their well being.

Time passed by, I would give birds a home to live. I would give my arms so that they could rest. They always gave me company. But slowly lesser birds would come. Loneliness would come more often. I would expect the winds to carry my voice to the nearby trees and have conversations with them. But the winds were not dependable, they weren’t punctual at all. Sometimes they would take a break and sometimes everyone single one would work overtime. A bird comes by “Thank you Mam for giving my family a home and place to stay. I know it must have been hurtful for you to let me make a hole in you and live in it”. I ask the bird to sing me a lullaby so that I can sleep and wake up next to my Mother.

Our Grading System

Anytime we write exams which were subjective in nature, we have tried showing the important steps/points in the solution to the problem asked. It has been taught to us as kids that, steps have to be shown as it is the basis on which marks will be given. One step might carry 1 mark another 2. This distribution is often fixed throughout all schools. During our final exams, the teacher who set the paper would share a model solution showing how much the different steps weigh by doing so there is a standard by which everyone is evaluated. But in real life, we all evaluate friendships differently. We all judge and feel happiness differently. There is no standard for these things.

We all have different tick boxes for friendship. These criteria and their importance vary from person to person. This can be considered a form of weighted average. Their importance is based on our individual personalities and past experiences. For someone initiating a conversation is a big thing as it is not something they do normally but for others it can be trivial as it is something that is the basic requirement of a friendship. For someone, telling their everyday life along with trivial details is important while for someone having deep, intelligent conversation is important. That is why rarely friendships are on the same level for both. We all have different needs and requirements, if these are fulfilled we are happy else we wont be fully content.

In all situations, there is a fine line where good turns bad or stupid. How should one differentiate trying constantly and a fool’s errand? No one knows. There is no standard time period. It all depends on the person’s capabilities and tenacity. If they will keep trying no matter what but they dont possess the necessary skills, this becomes a fool’s errand but if you do possess such skills but dont have confidence in yourself or you cannot wait for too long a period (again subjective, varies from person to person) you would give it up, does this mean that you are a fool for giving up? Some will say yes, others would say no. We all have different perceptions and depending on them we decide to draw that fine line.

Even in today’s world with corruption, nationalism people are forgetting the fine lines. Nowadays nationalism is being synonymous to patriotism. Both being very much different in meaning. One believes in values nad beliefs, the other in cultural background and heritage. George Orwell said that “Nationalism is the worst enemy of peace” but still many of us follow nationalism in the name of patriotism. Where do you draw the line. In America, where a single person could change everything in 4 years and his present policies are almost similar to dictatorship. A similar situation is taking place in India, where words have taken over the minds of many people. Religion is being forced on ordinary citizen and secularism is shown in the form of removing a certain religion from the country itself. Where does one draw the line. Some people already feel this is against everything what their countries stand for while others feel this is a step in the right direction. But who is deciding what is the right direction? Unfortunately we dont have models to show that.

We all have our different thresholds and back stories that make us who we are. But sometimes when we give advice to others, we take our thresholds as an input which we shouldn’t. The other person isnt us. They might have gone through something more challenging or less, making their limitations different from ours. We have to keep in mind the weighted average and try understanding what the other person feels. It is only by following this path can we understand and help each other. 

Short poems with haikus

Shining golden sun,

Casting shadows on the ground,

No plumule grows there

 

 

Waves crash on the rocks,

Breaks into million pieces,

Like my soul and heart

 

 

Birds fly in the sky,

My soul soars above the clouds,

But chained to the ground

 

 

The prey gallops towards his deathbed,

His claws colour the snow in red

 

 

Green, Yellow, Red,

The leaves change colour and fall,

The earth accepts them all.

 

 

Flowers thrown in the sea,

As offerings each,

All returned back to the beach

 

 

In the desert, the red ball burns

Leaves turn thorns to save what everyone yearns

 

 

“Carry my children away

from this cruel world, Great Bird”

Said the tree.

 

 

A plant grows from the soil,

Roots dig deeper into its ancestor’s grave

 

 

As the summer ends,

Flames on the Gulmohar tree,

The rain sets them free.

 

 

The sun sets,

I wait for the birds’ last song,

Before their slumber long.

 

 

Alone in the forest,

I walk to silence my mind,

Crickets chirp around.

 

 

“I fly” said the fish,

While gasping for air to breathe,

Talons were his wings.

 

 

Alone in the hut,

“Will you sing with me?” I ask,

The nearby gold lark.

 

 

I am never alone in my hut,

Sun, Moon, Plum blossoms give me company.

 

 

The pearl hidden inside the oyster,

Are you the pearl or the oyster?

Young and Alive

​Young and lively,

Weird and hopeful,

Soon dark clouds came,

But that didn’t waver his spirit,

He understood and never crossed the line,

He did what was right and ethical,

The world didnt and condemned him,

That didn’t affect him and he continued on his path,

A path with little support from everyone around,

Abused, beaten he carried on,

Soon everyone turned away,

He thought he won,

But really people didnt care anymore,

They got what they wanted,

So now they were done,

He still smiled though not the same as before,

He helped his friends in their dilemmas,

He expected nothing but their presence in his life,

But priorities change, like they always have,

Soon he was left with the ghosts of the past, 

He suppressed his emotions, Inhibited them, 

But every now and then, it would rain,

Filling up the dam slowly,

He would occasionally relieve the pressure but it was never enough,

Finally one day it all broke out,

It rained heavily that day, 

Walking in the rain, a turmoil in his brain,

What should he do for it to stop,

He looked up to see the black clouds,

“Long time no see my friend”

He said smiling as raindrops rolled down his cheeks,

He asked “What should I do? Tell me”

The rain stopped and then there was a ray on sunlight. 

The Contradictions We Live

We have been living in societies since ages. We are social beings afterall. We have evolved over time. We have become sophisticated, as some would say. If look at the kids today they are much smarter than us, when we were at that same age. What makes us different from animals, is our mind and thinking. We possess immense thinking capabilities. It only through our brain and curiosity that today we are so technologically advanced. But this increased capability has come with its own share of cons. We no longer possess a simple mind set. We arent restricted to simple emotions anymore. We experience complex emotions. Greed, Lust, Pride, Gluttony, Wrath, Sloth, Envy – These are 7 deadly sins, as put forth by Christianity. We all possess them. We dont exercise them all the time but sometimes we do exercise them with reason and sometimes with no reason. Animals on the other hand are free from them. They never over eat, never show unwanted aggression. They only have sexual encounters to keep their species alive. But we do everything in excess sometimes to the point that it is a waste.

But slowly some people are understanding their flaws and try to be a better self. We see online pictures saying to be always truthful. We say “Tell me the truth, dont lie to me” But in reality, we cannot handle the truth. Truth is and always will be bitter. If someone criticises you, our first immediate response is to prove them wrong and probably abuse them. Maybe after some time we see our flaws and try to not continue doing them. But eventually we all into the same loop. We tell our friends and family “I will change, give me some time” But it is very rare for the change to become a constant.

When we are at our lowest point we are open to the greatest change- Avatar Aang

Once we are back to normal and are criticised again, we just bypass the whole conversation by saying that we tried. Somehow trying, in this case, means it is ok if dont change. Can we say when we promise to someone that we will change, we are giving hope to someone. When we dont fulfil our promise, we are betraying someone. If someone were to betray our trust or not deliver what we promised, we would stop believing that person and be angry with them. We would probably look for someone who can keep their promises. But if someone were to replace us, we would speak ill of that person even antagonise them in front of other people. We ourselves sometimes cannot criticise others because of the fear if the above mentioned thing will happen with us. We speak of having proper etiquettes while sometimes we dont even have the bare minimum

We speak of equality among all races, religion, sex etc. But there is not really a proper sense of equality anywhere. Initially there was “All whites are superior” But over the course of time, this ideology was reduced. There was a time when black people were treated like slaves and objects. But by the help of various international figures, this idea was abolished. But now we are free of that idea or are we? We still face racism in some parts. No idea can ever be destroyed completely. If someone would cast the black guy in a minor role or would show him as a bad guy while the rest of the crew is white and are good people, this is racism and bad. But if we “exchange the colours” here, suddenly it isnt racist. If the black guy is given an antagonistic role in a movie, the critic might point out that it was racist in doing so. But by doing so, isnt the critic himself being a racist where he expects the black guy to land all the nice roles.

In India, there are various reservations for various castes and tribes in education and jobs. Yes, it was imperative initially when they weren’t given enough chances but now it isnt the same case. Now it is the finances that has come into picture. Somehow being in the general category has become a curse. A kid with 4 GPA isnt given admission into college but a 3 GPA kid is. Why? Because the later belongs to a Scheduled caste. It doesn’t matter evenif the former’s family is just above the poverty line and latter kid has a iPhone and car just for him. Corruption has been a big problem. Everyone will say it is wrong but at the same time, someone will be bribing someone.

Teachers also take part in a double standard lifestyle. They expect the students to be sincere but their wrong doings are never punished properly. If a teacher does punish them, they regarded as evil, mean and “khadoos”. But we ourselves make it our life’s agenda to punish someone for their wrong doing. Trump has been in the headlines ever since he became the president. He promised to make more jobs for Americans. Everyone has slammed him for this. Has anyone given a second thought to his actions? Maybe what he is doing is for his own countrymen. In America a large chunk of jobs are taken by immigrants. We wont understand their dilemma as our jobs arent exactly being snatched up by people from other countries. An example that some would understand is China’s control over production of various goods. Almost everything is manufactured there. The whole market is flooded with cheaper models. It is after all natural to buy something cheaper. Who would by 1000 rupees ear pods for a 350 rupees china headphones. Even though the ear pods may work for maybe 3/4 months extra but still the person is able to save money.

All of us are inside this loop. We cant empathise properly with anyone. We all believe in something but do something different. We have mother in laws who prefer a grandson over a granddaughter. People in the upper strata that perform such heinous acts that makes you question the whole society. Hopefully with time, we will be able to see beyond the black and white. We could let go of the dualistic thinking. Afterall with this intelligence, we see not only the black and white but also the shades between them.