Tag Archives: friends

Our Grading System

Anytime we write exams which were subjective in nature, we have tried showing the important steps/points in the solution to the problem asked. It has been taught to us as kids that, steps have to be shown as it is the basis on which marks will be given. One step might carry 1 mark another 2. This distribution is often fixed throughout all schools. During our final exams, the teacher who set the paper would share a model solution showing how much the different steps weigh by doing so there is a standard by which everyone is evaluated. But in real life, we all evaluate friendships differently. We all judge and feel happiness differently. There is no standard for these things.

We all have different tick boxes for friendship. These criteria and their importance vary from person to person. This can be considered a form of weighted average. Their importance is based on our individual personalities and past experiences. For someone initiating a conversation is a big thing as it is not something they do normally but for others it can be trivial as it is something that is the basic requirement of a friendship. For someone, telling their everyday life along with trivial details is important while for someone having deep, intelligent conversation is important. That is why rarely friendships are on the same level for both. We all have different needs and requirements, if these are fulfilled we are happy else we wont be fully content.

In all situations, there is a fine line where good turns bad or stupid. How should one differentiate trying constantly and a fool’s errand? No one knows. There is no standard time period. It all depends on the person’s capabilities and tenacity. If they will keep trying no matter what but they dont possess the necessary skills, this becomes a fool’s errand but if you do possess such skills but dont have confidence in yourself or you cannot wait for too long a period (again subjective, varies from person to person) you would give it up, does this mean that you are a fool for giving up? Some will say yes, others would say no. We all have different perceptions and depending on them we decide to draw that fine line.

Even in today’s world with corruption, nationalism people are forgetting the fine lines. Nowadays nationalism is being synonymous to patriotism. Both being very much different in meaning. One believes in values nad beliefs, the other in cultural background and heritage. George Orwell said that “Nationalism is the worst enemy of peace” but still many of us follow nationalism in the name of patriotism. Where do you draw the line. In America, where a single person could change everything in 4 years and his present policies are almost similar to dictatorship. A similar situation is taking place in India, where words have taken over the minds of many people. Religion is being forced on ordinary citizen and secularism is shown in the form of removing a certain religion from the country itself. Where does one draw the line. Some people already feel this is against everything what their countries stand for while others feel this is a step in the right direction. But who is deciding what is the right direction? Unfortunately we dont have models to show that.

We all have our different thresholds and back stories that make us who we are. But sometimes when we give advice to others, we take our thresholds as an input which we shouldn’t. The other person isnt us. They might have gone through something more challenging or less, making their limitations different from ours. We have to keep in mind the weighted average and try understanding what the other person feels. It is only by following this path can we understand and help each other. 

Young and Alive

​Young and lively,

Weird and hopeful,

Soon dark clouds came,

But that didn’t waver his spirit,

He understood and never crossed the line,

He did what was right and ethical,

The world didnt and condemned him,

That didn’t affect him and he continued on his path,

A path with little support from everyone around,

Abused, beaten he carried on,

Soon everyone turned away,

He thought he won,

But really people didnt care anymore,

They got what they wanted,

So now they were done,

He still smiled though not the same as before,

He helped his friends in their dilemmas,

He expected nothing but their presence in his life,

But priorities change, like they always have,

Soon he was left with the ghosts of the past, 

He suppressed his emotions, Inhibited them, 

But every now and then, it would rain,

Filling up the dam slowly,

He would occasionally relieve the pressure but it was never enough,

Finally one day it all broke out,

It rained heavily that day, 

Walking in the rain, a turmoil in his brain,

What should he do for it to stop,

He looked up to see the black clouds,

“Long time no see my friend”

He said smiling as raindrops rolled down his cheeks,

He asked “What should I do? Tell me”

The rain stopped and then there was a ray on sunlight. 

Being Apollo

We all have ups and downs in our life. Sometimes we pull through them ourselves or with the help of our friends and family. In our bad phases of life, we have a company of either a friend or family. They help us during our lowest points. They direct us and help us cope with the problems at hand. We cherish such people. We adore them and believe we are lucky enough to have them in our lives. But in these periods of our lives we often forget the “less important” people. 

Now someone may ask “Who are these less important people?” These people are those friends/acquaintances with whom we gel good enough. There is no antipathy or sympathy with them. You respect them for who they are. You may not like them like you like your best friend or your college/school group. They are such people with whom you spend a few minutes in a week just to check on how they are and, depending on their chemistry, more. You dont share everything with them but they enough about your general life. Normally anyone would say that these people aren’t that important in our lives. But if we really think about it and be honest to ourselves, we will realise they mean alot more than it would seem.

When you are low, probably because you just had a break up or you aren’t performing properly at work, you tend not to talk to people. But this random friend just messages you some funny picture or some good song. Your day rating might have increased from a 5 to a 6. Your day just brightened a little if not completely. They might just randomly message you about a past event involving you and bring back those happy memories. They might just do things to make your life happy.

When you are happy and they message you, they probably wont brighten your day but surely wont make it darker. You might tell them about the good thing that happened to you, sparing the innermost details and meanings, they celebrate your achievement also.

Now one might argue that these things can be done by a best friend also. But if really think about it, Isn’t your best friend relationship more like a symbiotic one?  They invest in you, help you and you do the same. There wont be such a “bestie” relationship where only one gives and one takes. But with these people this is not the case. You won’t feel uneasy if you dont talk to them one day. There will be times where you wont reply to their messages, probably because you are busy, and even forget to reply later. These people will be hurt but will get over it automatically by realising that not everyone is as free as them. They will message again but after a few days. A bestie will probably call a million times that day or leave a tonne of messages later.

The thing that separates them from your other friends is the time they give you. Like you, they also have a life. But they would spare some time just to message you. Time is the only thing we know is finite. You cannot predict how it all will end. They still message you just to know how you are. Don’t they deserve a simple reply or at least that we reply to them as soon as possible. They are like the Sun. They burn brightly in your life. They provide you with the most basic form of happiness. But with time, we forget how important they are. What we don’t remember is that the Sun is burning its own hydrogen so that it can be bright. The sun may not realise what effects it has on others. But you do. Eventually though the Sun will die out. Maybe then you can be their Sun. 

Attention – A power 

In any relationship, the one thing that matters the most is giving attention to the opposite person. You stop or reduce it and the dynamics of the relationship starts changing. Any normal human being likes attention. We all like showing off our skills. We like being the centre of attention. It is a similar situation in a relationship as it involves only two people.

But attention has alot more power than we realise. We have ignored someone in our lives and we have been ignored by others. Ignoring someone gives us a sense of superiority that they don’t matter. But if we are ignored, we feel inferior and that we dont matter in that person’s life. We try in different and often colourful ways to catch their attention. Somehow having their attention is a sense of happiness or achievement. We have power in their lives. Since we matter to them, they might include us in their daily activities.

It is human nature to try obtaining things we cannot have. We try and try. No wonder we crave attention from people who wont give it. But what about those who do give it to you? Some cases people reciprocate to the same extent. But in some cases, it is ignored and taken from granted. It can be similar to unrequited love. We start assuming that the person will always be there no matter what, no matter how we act. But what happens if that person realises he can be friends with better people or that he can be romantically involved with some other person? We are left with this unknown void. We never knew we had it until too late.

The problem in our teenage years is that we want things which we cant have or dont deserve. For anything we have to work hard but after getting it we dont have to work hard for it again. On getting selected for the perfect job, my job should be fun and easy and not tiring and causing me depression. On finding a best friend/soulmate/boyfriend or girlfriend, the relationship should be fun and should make you happy. If we have to work for their attention still, does it mean you arent significant in their lives? If so,  dont be deserve better people? 

We never appreciate enough what we have. It is perhaps one of the greatest tragedies of our stories. We realise what we were missing out on only after we dont have it. We have people around our lives who care for us. They give you their everything. A little more attention to them and a little less on other people wont cost you anything. If anything it might just make their lives alot more better and in turn yours. 

Power, power, 

I will never understand the power you were holding over me, 

Power, power,

Oh you had it too long, yes you had it too long. 

-Bastille

It is always the small things

We all do big things on the special days for the people we love. We make collages, videos, customised gifts. We think the gift is one of the greatest gestures of our love towards them. But it is not the only one. We often forget that even on other days we can do things which can appreciated by our loved ones. These small things make a lot of difference. You might just say something that the opposite person was looking for. They could feel like they are on cloud nine. The small gestures dont just stop at our family and besties. We miss little things with our classmates, strangers.

When you are meeting your friends. Everyone talks about the new things in their life. During that time if someone takes out their phone to check on something. It is rude to do so. It just shows that you are uninterested in the stories of your friends. Everyone perceives this action as a rude action. But we can forget that probably he is checking his phone regarding something that is important. Like probably he was going to get some important mail or he was checking on his other friend who is sick.

All of us have a friend who helps us academically. He shares his assignments, notes. He helps you understand some concepts even subjects at times. These people help you do better in your exams. We all respect such people. They help us achieve things which we think we cant achieve. Have we ever told them how awesome they are ? How much they really have helped us ? Some people do say it. But a majority dont. We just call such people with nicknames out of affection. It is good way to acknowledge what they do but a better way is to tell them about it. It would mean a whole lot more than a nickname. The people who help us dont ask for such things. They probably think what they do isnt so big but they should know it is a big thing.

Your best friends, these are the people with whom you have done everything. Sometimes just telling them what they mean to do will just brighten their day. You can even give them little things too like a small personalized gift or a flower. For your family, anything you do is less. But you always help your mom with her chores. Making a juice or milkshake for your parents is just as good. Even just saying you “I love you Mom/Dad” will be the best thing you can do for them.

Sometimes we are busy with our life. We have to study/work. We probably have something that is due. During that time one of our friends texts us. We would message like everything is fine and that we are free. But in our mind we are totally focused on our work. We cant be totally into the conversation. It might come off as your not interested. It may cause a crack in your friendship without you knowing there is one. Everytime you do it, the crack widens. You can just say “Busy Ttyl”. But you should always message back. If everytime you say you are busy, it is rude. We can take out 5/10 minutes to catch up with our friends. Just 10 minutes of undivided attention to them.

It is the little things that will always matter. Just a laugh at someone’s joke, saying their display picture or status is nice. Just a few lines appreciating them will be one of the greatest things for them.

Drawing & Rearranging

-Clever how you use this beast.-We do not use it. It is his generosity. This was a line in an animated show “Samurai Jack”. This line should get us thinking that we see so many people who get used by other people. Usually we assume the person to be naive and think he doesnt know that he is being used. But does the person know that he is being used and that he is ok with it ? Does he think that it is important that he helps others even at the expense of him ? If he so, He is so generous and of a pure heart. But is it morally correct of for him to be used ? To what extent ? Is he being too foolish letting others reap rewards of his efforts ? When do you know that generous has become stupid ? Where to draw the line??

This depends person to person. How we are brought up. How the world has been with us. How we have been with the world. One fundamental behavoir is that people always like to follow the easier path. It makes sense that we want to live an easy life. But at whose expense that is the question. Some of us can look beyond the petty issues of life and help others. Everyone likes such people. But by doing so are we making the masses dependant on those select few ? By helping everyone everytime, are the masses becoming robots who can just copy what is written without thinking or understanding it ? This is not the case everytime. We have to think and ask ourselves have I worked for this ? We need to draw lines on when to ask for help or when to give help. In some cases redraw those lines as years pass by.

We have someone in our life who just loves us too much. Sometimes it can feel that I cant possibly live upto those levels of love and commitment. You may also feel guilty about it. So shouldnt we try and do something equivalent for those people ? If such a case exists, then there must be case where we are the ones who give so much to a person but they dont show the same level of commitment. We can wait for them to show that same level of love. But if they dont isnt it stupid to wait for them ? Sometimes things we are chasing after mean nothing. We need to understand when to give up when to not. It again depends and varies person to person. Some people just give too quick while some hold on hoping things will change.

We should always think about such things. There are ways to work out these things. We can always subtlety hint people about it if we cant be open with them. Sometimes people catch such hints sometimes they dont so you tell them directly. Some people do change. Some people try to but cant. Some dont ever. We need to realise who fits where and decide whether you hold on or you let go.

These are some examples where we need to draw lines and often rearrange these lines. They can include from spending money to friends. These lines help us decide if it is logical to take a certain step, Whether it is better to spend more on comics or clothes. These lines might just prevent us from shattering for life.

Understandings-Misunderstandings

When was the last time we tried understanding a stranger, our classmates, our friends ? People reply “We know our friends pretty well”. All of us have this ability to judge people in an instant. Just by how they look, talk, walk. This is not a bad thing. This very thing of judging things has kept us alive for million of years. But now that we are more evolved we can try looking beyond the outer shells of the people.

We just have these nicknames for our classmates and friends. The nicknames can be affectionate but alot of times they can be hurtful. We just say it out of affection and as a prank. We never realize that the opposite person might not like or is getting hurt as your continuously calling him/her something they feel isnt who they are. Nerd, Miser, Gossipers, Arrogant these names are different from those based on physical appearances. Those based on the body are just down right mean and cheap. But the ones based on how we act around people is not totally rude. It is who we are. But people do not look beyond this part. All they say “He is a miser, he wont spend even this much”. Their words carry judgement and not that understanding why they are who they are. Maybe “the miser” had financial issues as a child or still has. “The nerd” likes to learn new things. “The arrogant” maybe feels your a jerk for doing something,unknowingly, that hurt them.

All these people have a life beyond the classrooms. It is just that we are unaware about it. All these people have best friends. So there must be more to them than what meets our eyes. It is not important for us to know what it is but just that there is something more to them. “The arrogant” might just be the most helpful person. But we wouldnt see it because we cant see beyond that one bad situation. All of us are defined by a certain quality by our friends, classmates. It may not be our best quality but certainly a part of us.

We can just try showing the world that there is more than just an “oversmart” guy. People might say “People should accept you for who you are if they cant it is their problem”. But many of us dont know the other person at all. We just know a few parts of him/her. Maybe we should show the world who we are. Obviously if I only show my arrogant side, no one will like me. The world should be shown the whole me. If I dont then, I cant say the world is immature or that I am too unique for this world.

Next time we call someone by an adjective let us just remember that each one of us is beautiful with some qualities dominant over the others. If we show how vibrant and beautiful people we really are, everyone will accept us for who we are.