Category Archives: Social Life

Our Grading System

Anytime we write exams which were subjective in nature, we have tried showing the important steps/points in the solution to the problem asked. It has been taught to us as kids that, steps have to be shown as it is the basis on which marks will be given. One step might carry 1 mark another 2. This distribution is often fixed throughout all schools. During our final exams, the teacher who set the paper would share a model solution showing how much the different steps weigh by doing so there is a standard by which everyone is evaluated. But in real life, we all evaluate friendships differently. We all judge and feel happiness differently. There is no standard for these things.

We all have different tick boxes for friendship. These criteria and their importance vary from person to person. This can be considered a form of weighted average. Their importance is based on our individual personalities and past experiences. For someone initiating a conversation is a big thing as it is not something they do normally but for others it can be trivial as it is something that is the basic requirement of a friendship. For someone, telling their everyday life along with trivial details is important while for someone having deep, intelligent conversation is important. That is why rarely friendships are on the same level for both. We all have different needs and requirements, if these are fulfilled we are happy else we wont be fully content.

In all situations, there is a fine line where good turns bad or stupid. How should one differentiate trying constantly and a fool’s errand? No one knows. There is no standard time period. It all depends on the person’s capabilities and tenacity. If they will keep trying no matter what but they dont possess the necessary skills, this becomes a fool’s errand but if you do possess such skills but dont have confidence in yourself or you cannot wait for too long a period (again subjective, varies from person to person) you would give it up, does this mean that you are a fool for giving up? Some will say yes, others would say no. We all have different perceptions and depending on them we decide to draw that fine line.

Even in today’s world with corruption, nationalism people are forgetting the fine lines. Nowadays nationalism is being synonymous to patriotism. Both being very much different in meaning. One believes in values nad beliefs, the other in cultural background and heritage. George Orwell said that “Nationalism is the worst enemy of peace” but still many of us follow nationalism in the name of patriotism. Where do you draw the line. In America, where a single person could change everything in 4 years and his present policies are almost similar to dictatorship. A similar situation is taking place in India, where words have taken over the minds of many people. Religion is being forced on ordinary citizen and secularism is shown in the form of removing a certain religion from the country itself. Where does one draw the line. Some people already feel this is against everything what their countries stand for while others feel this is a step in the right direction. But who is deciding what is the right direction? Unfortunately we dont have models to show that.

We all have our different thresholds and back stories that make us who we are. But sometimes when we give advice to others, we take our thresholds as an input which we shouldn’t. The other person isnt us. They might have gone through something more challenging or less, making their limitations different from ours. We have to keep in mind the weighted average and try understanding what the other person feels. It is only by following this path can we understand and help each other. 

Short poems with haikus

Shining golden sun,

Casting shadows on the ground,

No plumule grows there

 

 

Waves crash on the rocks,

Breaks into million pieces,

Like my soul and heart

 

 

Birds fly in the sky,

My soul soars above the clouds,

But chained to the ground

 

 

The prey gallops towards his deathbed,

His claws colour the snow in red

 

 

Green, Yellow, Red,

The leaves change colour and fall,

The earth accepts them all.

 

 

Flowers thrown in the sea,

As offerings each,

All returned back to the beach

 

 

In the desert, the red ball burns

Leaves turn thorns to save what everyone yearns

 

 

“Carry my children away

from this cruel world, Great Bird”

Said the tree.

 

 

A plant grows from the soil,

Roots dig deeper into its ancestor’s grave

 

 

As the summer ends,

Flames on the Gulmohar tree,

The rain sets them free.

 

 

The sun sets,

I wait for the birds’ last song,

Before their slumber long.

 

 

Alone in the forest,

I walk to silence my mind,

Crickets chirp around.

 

 

“I fly” said the fish,

While gasping for air to breathe,

Talons were his wings.

 

 

Alone in the hut,

“Will you sing with me?” I ask,

The nearby gold lark.

 

 

I am never alone in my hut,

Sun, Moon, Plum blossoms give me company.

 

 

The pearl hidden inside the oyster,

Are you the pearl or the oyster?

The Contradictions We Live

We have been living in societies since ages. We are social beings afterall. We have evolved over time. We have become sophisticated, as some would say. If look at the kids today they are much smarter than us, when we were at that same age. What makes us different from animals, is our mind and thinking. We possess immense thinking capabilities. It only through our brain and curiosity that today we are so technologically advanced. But this increased capability has come with its own share of cons. We no longer possess a simple mind set. We arent restricted to simple emotions anymore. We experience complex emotions. Greed, Lust, Pride, Gluttony, Wrath, Sloth, Envy – These are 7 deadly sins, as put forth by Christianity. We all possess them. We dont exercise them all the time but sometimes we do exercise them with reason and sometimes with no reason. Animals on the other hand are free from them. They never over eat, never show unwanted aggression. They only have sexual encounters to keep their species alive. But we do everything in excess sometimes to the point that it is a waste.

But slowly some people are understanding their flaws and try to be a better self. We see online pictures saying to be always truthful. We say “Tell me the truth, dont lie to me” But in reality, we cannot handle the truth. Truth is and always will be bitter. If someone criticises you, our first immediate response is to prove them wrong and probably abuse them. Maybe after some time we see our flaws and try to not continue doing them. But eventually we all into the same loop. We tell our friends and family “I will change, give me some time” But it is very rare for the change to become a constant.

When we are at our lowest point we are open to the greatest change- Avatar Aang

Once we are back to normal and are criticised again, we just bypass the whole conversation by saying that we tried. Somehow trying, in this case, means it is ok if dont change. Can we say when we promise to someone that we will change, we are giving hope to someone. When we dont fulfil our promise, we are betraying someone. If someone were to betray our trust or not deliver what we promised, we would stop believing that person and be angry with them. We would probably look for someone who can keep their promises. But if someone were to replace us, we would speak ill of that person even antagonise them in front of other people. We ourselves sometimes cannot criticise others because of the fear if the above mentioned thing will happen with us. We speak of having proper etiquettes while sometimes we dont even have the bare minimum

We speak of equality among all races, religion, sex etc. But there is not really a proper sense of equality anywhere. Initially there was “All whites are superior” But over the course of time, this ideology was reduced. There was a time when black people were treated like slaves and objects. But by the help of various international figures, this idea was abolished. But now we are free of that idea or are we? We still face racism in some parts. No idea can ever be destroyed completely. If someone would cast the black guy in a minor role or would show him as a bad guy while the rest of the crew is white and are good people, this is racism and bad. But if we “exchange the colours” here, suddenly it isnt racist. If the black guy is given an antagonistic role in a movie, the critic might point out that it was racist in doing so. But by doing so, isnt the critic himself being a racist where he expects the black guy to land all the nice roles.

In India, there are various reservations for various castes and tribes in education and jobs. Yes, it was imperative initially when they weren’t given enough chances but now it isnt the same case. Now it is the finances that has come into picture. Somehow being in the general category has become a curse. A kid with 4 GPA isnt given admission into college but a 3 GPA kid is. Why? Because the later belongs to a Scheduled caste. It doesn’t matter evenif the former’s family is just above the poverty line and latter kid has a iPhone and car just for him. Corruption has been a big problem. Everyone will say it is wrong but at the same time, someone will be bribing someone.

Teachers also take part in a double standard lifestyle. They expect the students to be sincere but their wrong doings are never punished properly. If a teacher does punish them, they regarded as evil, mean and “khadoos”. But we ourselves make it our life’s agenda to punish someone for their wrong doing. Trump has been in the headlines ever since he became the president. He promised to make more jobs for Americans. Everyone has slammed him for this. Has anyone given a second thought to his actions? Maybe what he is doing is for his own countrymen. In America a large chunk of jobs are taken by immigrants. We wont understand their dilemma as our jobs arent exactly being snatched up by people from other countries. An example that some would understand is China’s control over production of various goods. Almost everything is manufactured there. The whole market is flooded with cheaper models. It is after all natural to buy something cheaper. Who would by 1000 rupees ear pods for a 350 rupees china headphones. Even though the ear pods may work for maybe 3/4 months extra but still the person is able to save money.

All of us are inside this loop. We cant empathise properly with anyone. We all believe in something but do something different. We have mother in laws who prefer a grandson over a granddaughter. People in the upper strata that perform such heinous acts that makes you question the whole society. Hopefully with time, we will be able to see beyond the black and white. We could let go of the dualistic thinking. Afterall with this intelligence, we see not only the black and white but also the shades between them.

Talk Like You Text

There is an increase in social messaging apps in the past few years. After the overwhelming success of WhatsApp everyone has started their own version like Telegram (a personal favourite), Viber, Allo, Hangouts and the list goes on. These have become an integral part of our lives. Almost everyone with such an app will either text someone or change his display picture (dp), status or will probably stalk his contact list by browsing through their dps and statuses. Very few people lead a non whatsapp life. Our parents might be a part of them. They might just use them to send greetings, important news and photos. Else they would prefer to meet or call their friends and family. While some of our parents have perfectly integrated the apps into their lives like us.

What was WhatsApp supposed to be? I feel it was supposed to be a substitute for the SMS services and a way for people to know about your availability. It was supposed to be a means by which we could send text messages for free instead of paying SMS charges. It was made a paid app so as to control its growth. But didnt stop its popularity. Eventually it was made free and it exploded. Each phone had this app. But like each and everything that made man’s life easy or somehow gave him some kind of power, it started being misused. It became a substitution for talking with people. Since this was the direction in which the app was going, the developers started introducing features to simulate a conversation. Last seen, the ominous blue ticks, voice calls, video calls all are a form to mimic a real life conversations.

Last seen, a way to see if the individual is present or no. Blue ticks to see if the person “heard” what you said. Soon a feature to screenshot conversations, because we can’t remember everything. If we really see, this has become a form of talking. Since it’s just text with no emotions, emoticons were introduced. Though there are certain debatable topics for which emoji means what, they are still used. These emojis add emotion to our chats in a way. What makes these so dangerous is that we can see all this. The last seen and blue ticks. God help you if your last seen is later than the message sent by your patner/parents/bffs. If you see the message and dont reply almost instantaneously, it is very much possible to see your obituary in the paper. But often the last seen and blue ticks show wrong information. Afterall the message and information delivery to your phone depends on many factors like your and your friend’s net connectivity, the load on the app’s server etc. If you hide your last seen or remove blue ticks, it can be seen as a way to hide your true feelings/emotions/status with someone. It is, in a way, hiding from a certain section of your social life. Sometimes people are too busy to reply which can be disheartening. What is even more sad is when people dont reply to your repeated messages. We have certain etiquettes when we meet someone. It would sure be helpful if someone laid down certain dos and donts for texting. The greatest way someone can show that they dislike you is when they block you. It is almost similar to ignoring someone.

The dps are probably a way to identify that this is the right contact number you have. But nowadays some people put random pictures or of a gift they received. The function of status has also changed. If you look at the inbuilt options, they include Available, Busy, At work etc, all of these show your availability. But now we use them to write our state of mind or a quote we read somewhere. Type “status” in Google and the first page has sites dedicated to good and innovative whatsapp statuses. Also it has become a social norm to put a dp with the “bday guy/girl” and a status saying “Happy bday” for them. Over the course of time, we have learnt to give an original twist by putting a personal message. Also on Independence Day, we have to put a tricolour flag as a dp or our childhood photo on Children’s Day. We change our whatsapp dp in support of a cause. “Change your dp to a black dot to show your support for No Rape”. This concept still eludes me. How will a dp change show my support. I have to do something for it. Call Police, if i see a girl being eve-teased if i cant physically drive her teasers away

But has this change in the form of communication affected us? Yes, to an extent. Even though our main form of communication has become through texts, we still occasionally try to hangout with our friends. All of us will agree that we have better memories when we hangout with our friends. Texting is just like alot of starter. It is always when we are physically present that matters. That is always the main course. No amount of starters can beat the main course. The texting format uses the human nature of not saying about our feelings. Earlier people would write letters or chits to say what they wanted to. We do the same but we do it all the time for everything. This has made us socially awkward. We cant talk freely about our feelings with ours bffs/family verbally. We are much more comfortable to do it via texts. We live in a very paradoxical society. Where we want to talk about our problems via texts but only a warm and comforting voice will help us through our ordeals. No wonder, it is our school friends that last the most in our lives. We spend 10 years, if not more, with them. Afterall a face to face conversation is more fun than a face to screen conversation. 

Can I Taste It ?? 

When we go into an ice cream parlor, we see these wide range of flavours. Chocolate, chocolate nuts, American nuts, Cake and Caramel etc. You cant decide what you want and all seem delicious. So how do you solve this conundrum? You ask the guy “Can I taste this flavour?” After tasting all, you decide you want to go with Anjeer and honey (Not a bad flavour if anyone was wondering). When you decide to go for clothes shopping. Same scenario. Instead of eating them, you see in which set of shirts or tops you look amazing. It is by default that clothing outlets have change rooms for you try on the clothes. But for many things you cant check if it is what it sounds like. Packed food is a great example. Probably the schezwan flavour noodles have no flavour only when you eat them. Sometimes you go in a restaurant you see a lovely sounding dish, only to realise that it is not that great. Usually for such situations, we will order only one, taste it and order more. The most common example is life. In life you have to choose something and live with it for the rest of your life. This is the story with most of us. 

From childhood, we have to choose things and live with those consequences, good or bad. We plead, do tantrums for that one toy or chocolate. Our parents, give in looking at our puppy faces. They give us what we want but sometimes we dont like it. We say we want something else but our parents wont budge now. So we now live with our choice of toy. We are sad but a tad bit wiser. Sometimes we have to choose a future career at an age of 16. Teenage, what an age it is, the most confusing time of our entire life. Wondering where I am in my life, keeping myself fashionable so that my crush can notice me, the will to try new and daring things. At this age, we are asked to choose a path that we will have to follow for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we choose a right path but falter in the following choices. Sometimes it is a wrong path altogether. What happens if we choose a wrong path? Live with it or so the society has led us to believe. There is taboo with such things. Once you decide the path of “science” and spent 2 years only to realise that this isn’t what you want to do, people say you have to stay on “science” only. It is wrong to go to “arts” and try it. Those 2 years you already spent must mean something. Going to “arts” will make it worthless. “What will you tell people?” “This isn’t worth the risk” These are some thoughts that you have or your parents/friends/relatives put in your head. So what do we do? We just live with our choices, trying to hold on and grasping at whatever happiness we find in it.

Sometimes when we decide to opt for a specific job, we assume this is how my job will be. But what a surprise it comes when we start doing it. This is not what I thought it would be like. Majority of the time, it is in a negative way. Afterall 60% of people are unhappy at their jobs. But by this time, we are adults. We have various responsibilities. It seems too risky to change your job now. You are surrounded by these risk and reward systems. But usually the risk is somehow very high. We rather be unhappy at our jobs than take a leap of faith for a better and happier one. Sometimes the situations demand you to be chained to that job,like for financial stability you would suffer at that job. Very few people have the guts to change their jobs. Even fewer people are rewarded for this sadly. Like everyone on this earth, people ask the one question “Why be a cook/writer/banker after doing engineering/medicine?”  Somehow this thing comes off as they are doubting you. They doubt your abilities and decision making skills. Sometimes they really do, as i mentioned above, taboo it is to change a major decision. Evenif some do change their professions, sometimes it is too late. Many change it, when they are older and the risk has lessened. Their kid is older now. He doesn’t have to take care of his family now, since there is a new man in the house. It is now that they find peace, after years of sailing in uncharted waters.

These same things arise in relationships. Your friend or bestie or love patner. These things always start with trial and error. You like someone and most of the time they like you too. So how does the relationship become intimate? You open up from a bud to a flower with them and you wait to see if they also are opening up or no. Sometimes they do sometimes they dont. But if they dont, the relationship usually ends as it seems one sided. This whole thing, you cant predict. Unless you try it you wont know. And unfortunately this will stick with you. This might often affect your decision making skills. It is upto us how to take this in whether it a big chapter or a side  note. Sometimes your choice is right and you will find someone who is just amazing and no one can take the place they have created, just like kawai-sakura. Arranged marriages are examples where you have to live through them. Though nowadays people just tend to divorce sooner. It is just so simple to hear “We are different and incompatible”. But where do you decide where to stop trying to make it work?

It is so weird this world we live in. We have choices but we dont have the time to try them all out like we can in an ice cream parlor. It is a taboo to change a life decision and most often it is because of the type of situation we are in that makes us unable to do so. Maybe sometime down the line, we can make such decisions with ease and that make our lives better. 

The Art of Leading on

In our lives we have been either led on or we have seen others lead on someone. To lead on someone is such a bad thing, according to the vast majority. It is bad as long as you are doing it consciously. Majority of the time it is done by people knowingly. But the rest, maybe it isn’t.

People who lead on others, knowingly, are far worse than scum. They toy with feelings of others. It is the cruellest of things to do. They date someone just for the limelight or just for hookups. They have friendships with people just as a means to an end. Sometimes we recognise such behaviour but sometimes we dont until it is too late. We blame ourselves for not seeing the signs and advices of our friends. But is blaming yourself the right thing ? Shouldn’t you feel happy that you came to know of thaf person’s true nature. At least they cant ruin your life more. The only way is moving on and hoping you meet someone better.

But sometimes people are led on unknowingly. One example that might explain it properly is a typical movie scene. The actress has gone through an emotional ordeal. As soon as she sees her husband and friend there, she hugs her friend first. You see the husband there standing in disbelief and shock. She feels safe with her friend than her husband. Most would agree that it was meant to be. But this is in a movie.

Real life isn’t as forgiving as reel life. Someone you consider your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t really as close to you as he should be. In that moment we dont realise it. We just live in a fairy tale and often in denial. We would just brush it off by saying it is not that close a relationship as compared to your patner. We just say it. The world will see otherwise and say that there is something between them. Same applies for a friend or a bestie. Maybe you cant feel as safe around them as you should. Eventually you drop your patner/bestie or they drop you.

It is the next part that makes the whole thing a million times worse – GOSSIP. People gossip as if you have led people on. You are given a number of colourful terms. Sometimes it comes from your ex. Very rarely do the exs realise that it was an honest mistake and just dumb luck. Sometimes you may consider someone your world. They would too ordinarily. But in certain important times of their lives, they wouldn’t show you the level of importance you would expect. It will never be a single event but very often. It is always easier to blame someone than having to admit that it wasn’t meant to be.

Maybe you lead someone on without even realising that you are. Maybe we should just reflect once in our lives and trying seeing it from a third person perspective. It might just hold the truth we often refuse to see. 

Being Apollo

We all have ups and downs in our life. Sometimes we pull through them ourselves or with the help of our friends and family. In our bad phases of life, we have a company of either a friend or family. They help us during our lowest points. They direct us and help us cope with the problems at hand. We cherish such people. We adore them and believe we are lucky enough to have them in our lives. But in these periods of our lives we often forget the “less important” people. 

Now someone may ask “Who are these less important people?” These people are those friends/acquaintances with whom we gel good enough. There is no antipathy or sympathy with them. You respect them for who they are. You may not like them like you like your best friend or your college/school group. They are such people with whom you spend a few minutes in a week just to check on how they are and, depending on their chemistry, more. You dont share everything with them but they enough about your general life. Normally anyone would say that these people aren’t that important in our lives. But if we really think about it and be honest to ourselves, we will realise they mean alot more than it would seem.

When you are low, probably because you just had a break up or you aren’t performing properly at work, you tend not to talk to people. But this random friend just messages you some funny picture or some good song. Your day rating might have increased from a 5 to a 6. Your day just brightened a little if not completely. They might just randomly message you about a past event involving you and bring back those happy memories. They might just do things to make your life happy.

When you are happy and they message you, they probably wont brighten your day but surely wont make it darker. You might tell them about the good thing that happened to you, sparing the innermost details and meanings, they celebrate your achievement also.

Now one might argue that these things can be done by a best friend also. But if really think about it, Isn’t your best friend relationship more like a symbiotic one?  They invest in you, help you and you do the same. There wont be such a “bestie” relationship where only one gives and one takes. But with these people this is not the case. You won’t feel uneasy if you dont talk to them one day. There will be times where you wont reply to their messages, probably because you are busy, and even forget to reply later. These people will be hurt but will get over it automatically by realising that not everyone is as free as them. They will message again but after a few days. A bestie will probably call a million times that day or leave a tonne of messages later.

The thing that separates them from your other friends is the time they give you. Like you, they also have a life. But they would spare some time just to message you. Time is the only thing we know is finite. You cannot predict how it all will end. They still message you just to know how you are. Don’t they deserve a simple reply or at least that we reply to them as soon as possible. They are like the Sun. They burn brightly in your life. They provide you with the most basic form of happiness. But with time, we forget how important they are. What we don’t remember is that the Sun is burning its own hydrogen so that it can be bright. The sun may not realise what effects it has on others. But you do. Eventually though the Sun will die out. Maybe then you can be their Sun.