In our lives we have been either led on or we have seen others lead on someone. To lead on someone is such a bad thing, according to the vast majority. It is bad as long as you are doing it consciously. Majority of the time it is done by people knowingly. But the rest, maybe it isn’t.
People who lead on others, knowingly, are far worse than scum. They toy with feelings of others. It is the cruellest of things to do. They date someone just for the limelight or just for hookups. They have friendships with people just as a means to an end. Sometimes we recognise such behaviour but sometimes we dont until it is too late. We blame ourselves for not seeing the signs and advices of our friends. But is blaming yourself the right thing ? Shouldn’t you feel happy that you came to know of thaf person’s true nature. At least they cant ruin your life more. The only way is moving on and hoping you meet someone better.
But sometimes people are led on unknowingly. One example that might explain it properly is a typical movie scene. The actress has gone through an emotional ordeal. As soon as she sees her husband and friend there, she hugs her friend first. You see the husband there standing in disbelief and shock. She feels safe with her friend than her husband. Most would agree that it was meant to be. But this is in a movie.
Real life isn’t as forgiving as reel life. Someone you consider your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t really as close to you as he should be. In that moment we dont realise it. We just live in a fairy tale and often in denial. We would just brush it off by saying it is not that close a relationship as compared to your patner. We just say it. The world will see otherwise and say that there is something between them. Same applies for a friend or a bestie. Maybe you cant feel as safe around them as you should. Eventually you drop your patner/bestie or they drop you.
It is the next part that makes the whole thing a million times worse – GOSSIP. People gossip as if you have led people on. You are given a number of colourful terms. Sometimes it comes from your ex. Very rarely do the exs realise that it was an honest mistake and just dumb luck. Sometimes you may consider someone your world. They would too ordinarily. But in certain important times of their lives, they wouldn’t show you the level of importance you would expect. It will never be a single event but very often. It is always easier to blame someone than having to admit that it wasn’t meant to be.
Maybe you lead someone on without even realising that you are. Maybe we should just reflect once in our lives and trying seeing it from a third person perspective. It might just hold the truth we often refuse to see.
We all have ups and downs in our life. Sometimes we pull through them ourselves or with the help of our friends and family. In our bad phases of life, we have a company of either a friend or family. They help us during our lowest points. They direct us and help us cope with the problems at hand. We cherish such people. We adore them and believe we are lucky enough to have them in our lives. But in these periods of our lives we often forget the “less important” people.
Now someone may ask “Who are these less important people?” These people are those friends/acquaintances with whom we gel good enough. There is no antipathy or sympathy with them. You respect them for who they are. You may not like them like you like your best friend or your college/school group. They are such people with whom you spend a few minutes in a week just to check on how they are and, depending on their chemistry, more. You dont share everything with them but they enough about your general life. Normally anyone would say that these people aren’t that important in our lives. But if we really think about it and be honest to ourselves, we will realise they mean alot more than it would seem.
When you are low, probably because you just had a break up or you aren’t performing properly at work, you tend not to talk to people. But this random friend just messages you some funny picture or some good song. Your day rating might have increased from a 5 to a 6. Your day just brightened a little if not completely. They might just randomly message you about a past event involving you and bring back those happy memories. They might just do things to make your life happy.
When you are happy and they message you, they probably wont brighten your day but surely wont make it darker. You might tell them about the good thing that happened to you, sparing the innermost details and meanings, they celebrate your achievement also.
Now one might argue that these things can be done by a best friend also. But if really think about it, Isn’t your best friend relationship more like a symbiotic one? They invest in you, help you and you do the same. There wont be such a “bestie” relationship where only one gives and one takes. But with these people this is not the case. You won’t feel uneasy if you dont talk to them one day. There will be times where you wont reply to their messages, probably because you are busy, and even forget to reply later. These people will be hurt but will get over it automatically by realising that not everyone is as free as them. They will message again but after a few days. A bestie will probably call a million times that day or leave a tonne of messages later.
The thing that separates them from your other friends is the time they give you. Like you, they also have a life. But they would spare some time just to message you. Time is the only thing we know is finite. You cannot predict how it all will end. They still message you just to know how you are. Don’t they deserve a simple reply or at least that we reply to them as soon as possible. They are like the Sun. They burn brightly in your life. They provide you with the most basic form of happiness. But with time, we forget how important they are. What we don’t remember is that the Sun is burning its own hydrogen so that it can be bright. The sun may not realise what effects it has on others. But you do. Eventually though the Sun will die out. Maybe then you can be their Sun.
In any relationship, the one thing that matters the most is giving attention to the opposite person. You stop or reduce it and the dynamics of the relationship starts changing. Any normal human being likes attention. We all like showing off our skills. We like being the centre of attention. It is a similar situation in a relationship as it involves only two people.
But attention has alot more power than we realise. We have ignored someone in our lives and we have been ignored by others. Ignoring someone gives us a sense of superiority that they don’t matter. But if we are ignored, we feel inferior and that we dont matter in that person’s life. We try in different and often colourful ways to catch their attention. Somehow having their attention is a sense of happiness or achievement. We have power in their lives. Since we matter to them, they might include us in their daily activities.
It is human nature to try obtaining things we cannot have. We try and try. No wonder we crave attention from people who wont give it. But what about those who do give it to you? Some cases people reciprocate to the same extent. But in some cases, it is ignored and taken from granted. It can be similar to unrequited love. We start assuming that the person will always be there no matter what, no matter how we act. But what happens if that person realises he can be friends with better people or that he can be romantically involved with some other person? We are left with this unknown void. We never knew we had it until too late.
The problem in our teenage years is that we want things which we cant have or dont deserve. For anything we have to work hard but after getting it we dont have to work hard for it again. On getting selected for the perfect job, my job should be fun and easy and not tiring and causing me depression. On finding a best friend/soulmate/boyfriend or girlfriend, the relationship should be fun and should make you happy. If we have to work for their attention still, does it mean you arent significant in their lives? If so, dont be deserve better people?
We never appreciate enough what we have. It is perhaps one of the greatest tragedies of our stories. We realise what we were missing out on only after we dont have it. We have people around our lives who care for us. They give you their everything. A little more attention to them and a little less on other people wont cost you anything. If anything it might just make their lives alot more better and in turn yours.
I will never understand the power you were holding over me,
Oh you had it too long, yes you had it too long.
In every relationship there usually comes a time where you start doubting your friend, patner. The reasons can be endless. The usual and the most basic/primary reason is that there is some form of a trust breach. Maybe your friend has lied to you about him/her like saying they are busy with some work and at the same moment you see them posting pictures on social networking sites. Maybe your patner has started talking more about a person of the opposite sex and that person becomes the main topic of discussion for the couple or they start hanging out with that person and seem to have more fun with him/her.
When such things happen we feel that the other person isnt giving the same importance we give them. We dont have the problem with the subject of the lie but what bothers us most is why the person lies and whether they trust you or no. Closer the person is to you, the more it hurts. But the question should be should it hurt you so much. Shouldn’t we have more trust on them? The people about whom we are talking about are those with whom we connect. We should trust that they will have a good reason for what they did. We can always confront them about it if it becomes too excessive. We should have faith in these people and not worry too much about it. Sure it is tough but we can work towards it.
On the other side of the coin, if we ever do this, we lie to the people we care. We usually do it for a good reason or that it is very trivial and means nothing to anyone. But we have to understand that people are smart and when we lie it leaves a trail. It is the computer age after all blue ticks, last seen etc. We shouldn’t lie to such people. Even if we do we should own up to those mistakes. Obviously they will be angry but they will understand your reasons. Still it is much better for you to own up than them figuring out you lied via other means.
Another reason is bringing up of a person in a conversation. The other person becomes such a hot topic in the conversations you start feeling jealous. What we dont consider is that this person connects with your patner/friend in unique way and that excites them and you are the person they want to share the excitement. Like anything new, we are most excited in the beginning but what matters is the “after” part. You have managed to keep the excitement going even in the “after” part. You cannot be replaced because if you can be then your relationship means nothing. If something similar were to happen to you, the yin to your yang would also be jealous. So maybe during that time, you could bring the other person less often and simultaneously show sweet gestures to your ‘yin’. This way you never end up making your friend/patner jealous or sad.
We are humans and it is our natural behaviour to save ourselves from pain. That is why we see the negatives and choose to be safe than sorry. It is difficult to take the leap of faith. But it is not impossible. Maybe we should take a leap of faith for the people we care and who knows it just might be the most important decision which saved your relationship.
Treasure is uncovered by the force of flowing water, and it is buried by the same currents
– Paulo Coelho